Life seems to be slipping away. There is no hope left to hold me through the dark hours. There is no light to guide my way through the blackness. I have no strength left to fend off the demons. Blood is oozing from my body. I am constantly weakening. Exhaustion seems to be consuming me. When will time stop?

Just...... me

In Harm's Way: Suicide in America

~~~~~~_________________________________________~~~~~~

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/harmaway.cfm

Suicide is a tragic and potentially preventable public health problem. In 2000, suicide was the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S.1 Specifically, 10.6 out of every 100,000 persons died by suicide. The total number of suicides was 29,350, or 1.2 percent of all deaths. Suicide deaths outnumber homicide deaths by five to three. It has been estimated that there may be from 8 to 25 attempted suicides per every suicide death.2 The alarming numbers of suicide deaths and attempts emphasize the need for carefully designed prevention efforts. Suicidal behavior is complex. Some risk factors vary with age, gender, and ethnic group and may even change over time. The risk factors for suicide frequently occur in combination. Research has shown that more than 90 percent of people who kill themselves have depression or another diagnosable mental or substance abuse disorder, often in combination with other mental disorders.2,3 Also, research indicates that alterations in neurotransmitters such as serotonin are associated with the risk for suicide.4 Diminished levels of this brain chemical have been found in patients with depression, impulsive disorders, a history of violent suicide attempts, and also in postmortem brains of suicide victims. Adverse life events in combination with other risk factors such as depression may lead to suicide. However, suicide and suicidal behavior are not normal responses to stress. Many people have one or more risk factors and are not suicidal. Other risk factors include: prior suicide attempt; family history of mental disorder or substance abuse; family history of suicide; family violence, including physical or sexual abuse; firearms in the home; incarceration; and exposure to the suicidal behavior of others, including family members, peers, or even in the media.2 Gender Differences Suicide was the eighth leading cause of death for males and the 19th leading cause of death for females in 2000.1 More than four times as many men as women die by suicide,1 although women report attempting suicide during their lifetime about three times as often as men.5 Suicide by firearm is the most common method for both men and women, accounting for 57 percent of all suicides in 2000. White men accounted for 73 percent of all suicides and 80 percent of all firearm suicides. Children, Adolescents, and Young Adults In 2000, suicide was the third leading cause of death among 15- to 24-year-olds—10.4 of every 100,000 persons in this age group—following unintentional injuries and homicide. Suicide was also the 3rd leading cause of death among children ages 10 to 14, with a rate of 1.5 per 100,000 children in this age group. The suicide rate for adolescents ages 15 to 19 was 8.2 deaths per 100,000 teenagers, including five times as many males as females. Among people 20 to 24 years of age, the suicide rate was 12.8 per 100,000 young adults, with seven times as many deaths among men as among women.1,6 Older Adults Older adults are disproportionately likely to die by suicide. Comprising only 13 percent of the U.S. Population, individuals age 65 and older accounted for 18 percent of all suicide deaths in 2000. Among the highest rates (when categorized by gender and race) were white men age 85 and older: 59 deaths per 100,000 persons, more than five times the national U.S. Rate of 10.6 per 100,000.1,6 Attempted Suicides Overall, there may be between 8 and 25 attempted suicides for every suicide death; the ratio is higher in women and youth and lower in men and the elderly.2 Risk factors for attempted suicide in adults include depression, alcohol abuse, cocaine use, and separation or divorce.7,8 Risk factors for attempted suicide in youth include depression, alcohol or other drug use disorder, physical or sexual abuse, and disruptive behavior.8,9 As with people who die by suicide, many people who make serious suicide attempts have co-occurring mental or substance abuse disorders. The majority of suicide attempts are expressions of extreme distress and not just harmless bids for attention. A suicidal person should not be left alone and needs immediate mental health treatment. U.S. Suicide Rates by Age, Gender, and Racial Group Prevention Preventive efforts to reduce suicide should be based on research that shows which risk and protective factors can be modified, as well as which groups of people are appropriate for the intervention. In addition, prevention programs must be carefully tested to determine if they are safe, truly effective, and worth the considerable cost and effort needed to implement and sustain them.10 Many interventions designed to reduce suicidality also include the treatment of mental and substance abuse disorders. Because older adults, as well as women who die by suicide, are likely to have seen a primary care provider in the year prior to their suicide, improving the recognition and treatment of mental disorders and other suicide risk factors in primary care settings may be one avenue to prevent suicides among these groups.11 Improving outreach to men at risk for suicide is a major challenge in need of investigation. Recently, the manufacturer of the medication clozapine received the first ever Food and Drug Administration indication for effectiveness in preventing suicide attempts among persons with schizophrenia.12 Additional promising pharmacologic and psychosocial treatments for suicidal individuals are currently being tested. If someone is suicidal, he or she must not be left alone. Try to get the person to seek help immediately from his or her doctor or the nearest hospital emergency room, or call 911. It is also important to limit the person's access to firearms, medications, or other lethal methods for suicide. For More Information Suicide Information and Organizations from NLM's MedlinePlus (en Español) References 1Miniño AM, Arias E, Kochanek KD, Murphy SL, Smith BL. Deaths: final data for 2000. National Vital Statistics Reports, 50(15). Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics, 2002. 2Moscicki EK. Epidemiology of completed and attempted suicide: toward a framework for prevention. Clinical Neuroscience Research, 2001; 1: 310-23. 3Conwell Y, Brent D. Suicide and aging. I: patterns of psychiatric diagnosis. International Psychogeriatrics, 1995; 7(2): 149-64. 4Mann JJ, Oquendo M, Underwood MD, Arango V. The neurobiology of suicide risk: a review for the clinician. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 1999; 60(Suppl 2): 7-11; discussion 18-20, 113-6. 5Weissman MM, Bland RC, Canino GJ, Greenwald S, Hwu HG, Joyce PR, Karam EG, Lee CK, Lellouch J, Lepine JP, Newman SC, Rubio-Stipec M, Wells JE, Wickramaratne PJ, Wittchen HU, Yeh EK. Prevalence of suicide ideation and suicide attempts in nine countries. Psychological Medicine, 1999; 29(1): 9-17. 6Office of Statistics and Programming, NCIPC, CDC. Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARSTM): http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/wisqars/default.htm 7Kessler RC, Borges G, Walters EE. Prevalence of and risk factors for lifetime suicide attempts in the National Comorbidity Survey. Archives of General Psychiatry, 1999; 56(7): 617-26. 8Petronis KR, Samuels JF, Moscicki EK, Anthony JC. An epidemiologic investigation of potential risk factors for suicide attempts. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 1990; 25(4): 193-9. 9Gould MS, Greenberg T, Velting DM, Shaffer D. Youth suicide risk and preventive interventions: a review of the past 10 years. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 2003; 42(4): 386-405. 10U.S. Public Health Service. National strategy for suicide prevention: goals and objectives for action. Rockville, MD: USDHHS, 2001. 11Luoma JB, Pearson JL, Martin CE. Contact with mental health and primary care prior to suicide: a review of the evidence. American Journal of Psychiatry, 2002; 159: 909-16. 12Meltzer HY, Alphs L, Green AI, Altamura AC, Anand R, Bertoldi A, Bourgeois M, Chouinard G, Islam MZ, Kane J, Krishnan R, Lindenmayer JP, Potkin S; International Suicide Prevention Trial Study Group. Clozapine treatment for suicidality in schizophrenia: International Suicide Prevention Trial (InterSePT). Archives of General Psychiatry, 2003; 60(1): 82-91. NIH Publication No. 03-4594Printed January 2001; Revised April 2003 NIMH publications are in the public domain and may be reproduced or copied without the permission from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). NIMH encourages you to reproduce them and use them in your efforts to improve public health. Citation of the National Institute of Mental Health as a source is appreciated. However, using government materials inappropriately can raise legal or ethical concerns, so we ask you to use these guidelines: NIMH does not endorse or recommend any commercial products, processes, or services, and publications may not be used for advertising or endorsement purposes. NIMH does not provide specific medical advice or treatment recommendations or referrals; these materials may not be used in a manner that has the appearance of such information. NIMH requests that non-Federal organizations not alter publications in a way that will jeopardize the integrity and "brand" when using publications. Addition of Non-Federal Government logos and website links may not have the appearance of NIMH endorsement of any specific commercial products or services or medical treatments or services. If you have questions regarding these guidelines and use of NIMH publications, please contact the NIMH Information Center at 1-866-615-6464 or at nimhinfo@nih.gov.

For Those Who Aren't Sure Just How Real Mental Illness Is...

I have been what is known as a "Cutter," or a "Self Injurer" since I was about 13 years old. I have had PTSD, (post traumatic stress disorder) since I was 12 years old. SI (self injury) comes and goes throughout life, some times are better than others, but when it is bad, it is really bad. The flashbacks that I have are as real to me as the present is for me, and most others. I feel when the two people raped me, I can literally feel them shoving themselves inside of me. I can feel the burning, the sensation of ripping inside. I can feel him sinking his teeth into me. I feel the pain when the woman shoved the bottle inside of my anus so hard that I vomited. It all hurts just as bad when I flashback, (if not more so, because I had a sort of... Out-of-body experience, they say happens as a sort of survival mechanism) as it did the night that it happened, even when he choked me, I still come out of it with a sore throat, gasping for air sometimes. It is THAT real! Thoughts of death and suicide are in my mind constantly, and so far, everything that I and others have tried, has failed to make things much better. I went through three years of weekly therapy, and have ended up on medication as a means of trying to survive. I DO NOT, despite some people views, or misinformation, like... nor do I WANT to be like this, I simply am. I try to take each day one at a time, sometimes minute by minute, laugh as much as I can, and cope as well as I can, that is the way life is for most people, it just isn't quite as simple for some as it seems to be for others.

Just my thoughts.

--Just.... me

Death.....

------Just.... me

Examples Of Why I Hate Life....

People wonder why I want to die, why I feel as though humanity is beyond contempt in the way we treat each other, why life just isn't worth living. Well, besides the horrific things that I have suffered in my lifetime, which compared to what you are about to see, are shameful for me to even think are all that bad, what I will show you will give a perfect example of the sewage into which humanity has sunken.

!!!!!!!!!!!Beware!!!!!!!!!!!

What you are about to see is NOT for the faint of heart!!! May Trigger flashbacks for some people, so please be careful!

Make The Pain Stop NOW.......

Ohhh, it would be so very easy to slice the artery, allow the pain to flow away, and allow the ever lasting sleep over take me forever. Instead I stay in this world, living with God's failed experiment, humanity. I am ashamed to be one of these creatures, so brutal, so cruel, so cold. I want to make it stop.

Let It End....

*The tears never stop*

--Just.... me

Bad Day?

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Need I say more????

--Just............. Me

Suicidal?

________________________________________________________


Results and recommendations
Your screening results indicate a high likelihood that you are suffering from severe depression.
Your answers also show you might be at risk for harming yourself.
You are advised to see your doctor or a mental health professional immediately for a complete evaluation - or dial "911" - or the HOPELINE at 1-800-SUICIDE - or go immediately to the nearest hospital Emergency Room for an evaluation. This screening is not a substitute for a complete clinical evaluation.
The good news is clinical depression is a very treatable illness. Almost everyone who receives appropriate treatment can soon feel better.
The depression-screening.org web site is NOT designed to respond to suicide crisis. If you believe you are at risk for suicide, dial "911" or go immediately to the nearest hospital Emergency Room for an evaluation. Locate a suicide crisis center in your area through the Kristin Brooks Hope Center's National Hopeline Network.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ya know, I find these "test" kind of funny, both humorous and ironic, because I must have taken test like this, or similar ones, nearly a hundred times since I have been online in March of 2000, and every single time I get responses like the one above. I've varied how I respond, such as thinking about my response to each question.... and also answered as quickly as possible without thinking, using a more unconscious thought process to see if my results would be different, but every time, I get the same thing. I always answer the questions truthfully, as some people know, being labeled insane just carries to much of a stigma to make lying worth it, plus... liars just annoy the hell out of me. Makes me wonder just how long I can keep going on like this, how i've managed to last THIS long, and causes me to think about just how many "borrowed" days I have already been living on. It angers me at just how truly messed up our healthcare system is in the United States, when one can take hundreds of such test online, but if you are poor, and need help, the only help that is really available is medication, because in most states in the U.S., funding for Mental Healthcare has been cut so drastically, that therapist barely have time to see patients who may pose a danger to others, and those who pose a danger to themselves just don't rank high enough anymore. It makes me feel even more hopeless since the "normal" people can't even get their priorities together enough to come close to even handling the situations that are truly important in this country, and we are off "sticking our noses" into the business of other countries who obviously don't want us to be there. Whoever said life is grand..... must have been on some really great drugs, that's all I can say.



Just my thoughts.


......... Me

The Depths............

____________________________________

I feel like when I look inside myself.....................

I see a woman standing in an opening... as she looks around, everything is a mixture of black, gray, and dark colors. It is a barren place, and a wild storm is raging all around her, this wind is blowing her hair so hard that it whips against her face, she can see her breath in the air from the bitter cold, her skin is numb from it. The clouds seem to be flying by at an unreal speed, like life is soon to end. Her bones ache in agony from the depth of the cold all around her, she is alone in this world, there is no safety, no protection from the storm that has encompassed this place all around her, she can feel her life ebbing from her body, slowly but surely. Tears fall down her cheeks, but they never reach the ground, they turn into crystal icicles upon her delegate skin, building until they threatened to suffocate her. She wonders alone, fighting to stay on her feet, because she knows to fall will mean a slow, agonizing death. She tries to run, to find a place to hide from the things that stalk her, the things that she knows are always there, even though she can never see them until they attack, she must keep moving constantly, never able to rest, never able to heal. She knows someday either those which hunt her, or the bitterness, the pain, the storm in this place, will consume every fiber of her being... she knows not why she continues forward, but for now.... she does.

Too Funny.....

Umm, well..... duuuuuuuhhh! LMAO!

___________________________________________________

HAHAHA!!! Too cute..........

Try hard to laugh, it's the cheapest form of life's fewest pleasures.

--Just_April1974