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Haven't been sleeping worth a damn; not like that's anything new though. I miss ya.... you helped me through more nights than you'll ever know, just by making me laugh, and being able to see you give some of those cold bastards hell in Pal. I miss being able to tease around with ya, and sharing our "off-the-wall" sense of humor. All I can do is cry. You have no idea what the loss of you has done to so many. You were so much more important in life than you ever gave yourself credit for sweety. The fight to make this world a better place is so much harder without you here with us to educate others; and it's just so sad without ya. It hurts Mark. You left scars on my heart that will never heal. I know.... i'm selfish for wanting to have kept you here when you were in so much pain, but you were so special, I just can't help it. Know that you were loved, appreciated, needed, respected, and cared for by so many people... we all hope that you have in the afterlife, all that seemed to be so elusive to you in this life.
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{{~Mark~}}
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--April
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Posts
April,
ReplyDeleteI would have preferred to write to you in private but as that option is unavailable I feel obliged to post my thoughts to you here.
I came to your blog via your posts on the Rattler, in response to the recent death of JC. I was aquianted with JC on Paltalk many years ago and although I could never describe him as a friend, I do understand and sympathise with your loss.
I didn't want to write in regards to JC however, I feel a need to comment on you and how you seem to be coping with this tragedy and If possible offer a friendly and encouraging kick in the right direction.
I feel that there has to come a time very soon when you will need to release JC and start living again. As I see it, you are at the moment curled up next to JC in his coffin, tugging at his lapels and demanding answers from him. Please realise he will give you no answers or inspiration. Accept he is gone and develop a strength from his passing. That which does not kill you only seves to make you stronger and JC's passing will make you stonger, in time.
Another comment I feel I should make is that I think your blog is mentally disastrous for you. Please excuse my presumptousness but I suspect you wrap yourself in a self imposed and lonely cult of death and torment. It's one thing to visit your demons but It's quite different to choose to live with them. Dwelling on what has happened to JC and your own depression wont help to release you from It's grip and while nobody can offer you a cure, you can offer yourself a distraction.
Go on to Paltalk and argue, fight, hate or love or better still, leave the house. Visit friends, make new friends, take a walk, watch a film. Just do something because dwelling wont fix anything or even make you feel better.
JC is gone. Let him rest and start to move on. Keep your chin up. Things will get better, I promise.
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Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your words of wisdom, it is obvious that you took some time to be as honest as possible so as to help me to try and see things more clearly; those are the actions of people who care, and I greatly appreciate it. Losing JC has been devistating to me, and many others.... people heal in their own time, in their own ways....my way is yo come her and vent whatever emotions that I may be fealing, so as to be less likely to actually "act" on those emotions in a negative manner.
Thos place is a place where I can release the pain and torment that i'm feeling...without causing harm to others... and it helps others who have never suffered mental illness, and maybe have a friend or family member who is suffering, to be a bit more understood.... People lilke me, and other mentally ill people should never have to feel like we have to hide in shame, should never feel alone and fall into a feeling of total hopelessness. It is only by educating non-sufferers to our plight, that we stand a chance of recfieving more of the research/therapy, and general support that we need to survive this torment.
Mark is a perfect example of just how lacking out mental health system is lacking...there just isnt enough research and support for us...which will only lead to more suicides, and even murders by people who often live in a completly different world than those individuals who consider themselves to be "normal." There is so many people who can make a world of difference in our lives...if they only saw, and come to know the reality of our everyday lives.
I hope that this blog...somehow...in some way, manages to educate those very individuals to take action and raise money and awareness for a better overall mental healthcare system.
They say that people just do not care about others anymore...until it affects their lived directly... dont weait until you are the parent of a suicidal/bulemic/anexoric/bipolar/ect. to be thrust into your life when you can gain all og the education that you need NOW to help others who need you desperately.
Thank you
--April