Damn Life.......

Flashbacks... reliving a horrific event over and over, minutes that seem like hours. Sounds, scents, sights, taste, the pain, all more real that when it happened! At least then I was numb in a strange way, not all there. Sometimes it seemed as though I was standing beside myself, watching what he was doing to me like some kind of freakishly brutal movie, but now there is no escape from any of it. I feel him ripping inside of me, the extreme burning, my screams caught in my throat, can taste the vomit from getting sick, feel his teeth sinking into my cold skin, the blood trickling out of me. I can feel my head hitting the tree as he continues pounding himself into me, feel the tears running down the sides of my face. I hear him laughing at me, calling me a dirty little whore, typical of all the girls who use and manipulate and then abandon him when he needs them the most, how it is my fault, how much he loved me, how much he just wanted to show me what real love was, but how I had just used him, how I had hurt him, how I DESERVED IT ALL!!! Over and over him spitting his words in my face, slamming into me harder and harder until I felt like I couldn't breathe. After it is finally over, I sit and feel the pain, even when I'm back in reality, and I know it isn't happening again, I can feel the bruises, the bites, all of the scrapes, even the bleeding, sometimes it passes within a few minutes, but mostly it last for nearly an hour. It is too much, too hard. I just want.. NEED a break, just a rest, am so exhausted. Never, every single day I have too see him, feel him!!! I am so damn sick of him being stuck in my head. Bastard haunts me and I cannot escape him no matter how hard I try!!! It is too hard, just so sick of fighting, just need it to stop!!!!! So sick of all of the tears. They are for nothing. It never gets better. Animals deserve to live better than this. I just want to stop it. One person can only take so much.



--Just_April1974